Question by ophelia: Hypocritical advice about finding your calling/figuring out what to do with your life?
I come from an extremely dysfunctional family full of former and current alcoholics,addicts,and in general very irresponsible and shallow people im terms of providing what a family is meant to provide;uncondition love,support,and understanding.

I know not many of us out there can say theyve ever experiences that type of support and love so hopefully someone can give me some insight or help to get over this obstacle for once and for all.

I am pretty much always presented with unsolicited advice from family and the friends of family ,”so have you figured out what youre gonna do with your life?” Or “you know this just comes from experience,when talking to an adult you should always give a one word solid answer on what your plans are for your career instead of saying youre still trying to figure that out”,the list goes on and on.

This is coming from three cousins of mine who are recovering drug and alcohol addicts whom were given jobs only and i mesn only because of the real estate business their father owns,none of them graduated college which I think is absolutely fine and acceptable but for whatever reason I am constantly hurled bank handed insults,unsolicited advice,gossiped about by family,lied about,and pretty much made out to be the scapegoat which I have finally realized through a therapist.

I still am hurt though somehow by these comnents so do I just cut off contact? No matter how hard I try or how wonderful Im doing these comments and constant chatter never stop.

I am by nature very understanding,non-judgmental, very empathetic,respect absolutely everyone regardless of whether or not Ive been hurt by them or if they dont hold the same beliefs or morals,anything and anyone i am unconditionally supportive and loving and I just wish I could feel eve n an ounce of that love and respect in return. Im also buddhist/taoist so I can definitely recognize any religious barriers people may hold but still it seemd extreme for others to have so much animosity toward another person’s life and well-being? It just doesnt make sense to me.

Should i just give up and cut those relationships off so i can end any further destruction and damage on myself,my future&happiness?

Any help is much appreciated.
Thank you all,this is all lightening all the weight and hurt already,thank you thank you thank you,love you all.

Best answer:

Answer by GeorgieGuy
Hi Ophelia,
We don’t get to pick our family. We do, however, get to pick our friends. I recommend reducing contact with your hurtful and dysfunctional relatives and spending time with more supportive and healthy people. I think you might also benefit from attending an AL-ANON group to discuss coping with your family members. Here’s a link to connect online. If you prefer, most communities have group meetings where you can talk directly to others who are going through similar issues. AL-ANON is designed for people with family and friends who are dealing with addiction. Best wishes.

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